prariepunk
Active member
Some Sharp "Chorts"
Are you nice to your elders?
Are you nice to your elders?
Laughter.... the color of life
- Thread starter prariepunk
- Start date
prariepunk
Active member
Are you nice to your elders?
WOW
WOW
prariepunk
Active member
RE: Are you nice to your elders?
felix_santi
New member
RE: Hey, Mingez!!!!!!
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last
request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John, " his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
___________
An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are new settlers in Brisbane, Australia.
Ray always wanted a pair of authentic RMWilliams boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife "Notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope." Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely n*ked except for the boots, and asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"
Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."
______________
Religious views of life
Taoism - $hit happens
Confucianism - Confucius says, $hit happens
Buddhism - If $hit happens, it isn't really $hit
Zen - What is the sound of $hit happening?
Shintoism - Everything except Japan is $hit
Hinduism - This $hit happened before
Sikhism - The Indian caste system is $hit
Islam - If $hit happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestantism - Let $hit happen to someone else
Anglicanism - Henry V!!! Didnt take no $hit
Catholicism - If $hit happens, you deserve it
Eastern Orthodox - Rome dont know $hit
Pentacostalism - $hit happens in tongues
Seventh Day Adventism - $hit happens everyday but Saturday
Jainism - $hit happens, but dont step in it
Born Again - $hit happens, but I'm saved
Mormonism - Its evil to say $hit
Native American Church - We want our $hit back
Jehovah's Witness - Want to buy a subscription to our $hit?
Scientology - This $hit is expensive
New Age - Crystal power counteracts $hit
Hare Krishna - $hit happens, Rama, Rama
Satanism - $hit rules
Atheism - I dont believe this $hit
Rastafarianism - Lets smoke this $hit
Hedonism - When $hit happens, enjoy it
Agnosticism - What is this $hit?
Stoicism - So $hit happens, big deal. I can take it.
Jedi - Let the $hit be with you
can you read this?
Olny srmat poelpe can.
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
if you can raed tihs psas it on !!
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last
request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John, " his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
___________
An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are new settlers in Brisbane, Australia.
Ray always wanted a pair of authentic RMWilliams boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife "Notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope." Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely n*ked except for the boots, and asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"
Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."
______________
Religious views of life
Taoism - $hit happens
Confucianism - Confucius says, $hit happens
Buddhism - If $hit happens, it isn't really $hit
Zen - What is the sound of $hit happening?
Shintoism - Everything except Japan is $hit
Hinduism - This $hit happened before
Sikhism - The Indian caste system is $hit
Islam - If $hit happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestantism - Let $hit happen to someone else
Anglicanism - Henry V!!! Didnt take no $hit
Catholicism - If $hit happens, you deserve it
Eastern Orthodox - Rome dont know $hit
Pentacostalism - $hit happens in tongues
Seventh Day Adventism - $hit happens everyday but Saturday
Jainism - $hit happens, but dont step in it
Born Again - $hit happens, but I'm saved
Mormonism - Its evil to say $hit
Native American Church - We want our $hit back
Jehovah's Witness - Want to buy a subscription to our $hit?
Scientology - This $hit is expensive
New Age - Crystal power counteracts $hit
Hare Krishna - $hit happens, Rama, Rama
Satanism - $hit rules
Atheism - I dont believe this $hit
Rastafarianism - Lets smoke this $hit
Hedonism - When $hit happens, enjoy it
Agnosticism - What is this $hit?
Stoicism - So $hit happens, big deal. I can take it.
Jedi - Let the $hit be with you
can you read this?
Olny srmat poelpe can.
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
if you can raed tihs psas it on !!
prariepunk
Active member
Mistake Puts Gas Price At 32 Cents In Florida
POSTED: 1:22 pm EDT October 7, 2005
UPDATED: 1:30 pm EDT October 7, 2005
Motorists in South Florida got a break at the gas pumps when a manager's mistake allowed gasoline to be sold for 32 cents a gallon instead of $3.20, according to a Local 6 News report.
A long line of vehicles quickly formed at the RaceTrac gas station in Hallandale, Fla., after word began to spread of the mistake.
VIDEO: Station Selling 32-Cent Gas
"I'm going to tell everyone I know about pump No. 4," a motorist told a news reporter as he pumped the 32-cent gas into his car.
A manager at the gas station realized the error and changed the gas price back to $3.20 a gallon.
RaceTrac would not say how many hundreds of gallons were pumped into cars at 32 cents before the error was caught.
Watch Local 6 News for more on this story.
http://www.local6.com/news/5071357/detail.html
prariepunk
Active member
One more reason to live in FL
9-Foot Alligator Pulled From Storm Drain
POSTED: 12:34 pm EDT October 7, 2005
UPDATED: 1:02 pm EDT October 7, 2005
A group of senior citizens putting out signs in Ormond Beach, Fla., Friday discovered a 9-foot alligator stuck in a storm drain near their retirement community, according to Local 6 News.
Trappers were called to the Wilmette Street in Ormond Beach to remove the large alligator Friday morning. They used a bang stick to kill the alligator and remove it from the storm drain just before noon.
SURVEY: Scared Of Alligators?
After the alligator was removed, several people watching the capture complained that the animal did not have to be killed.
Trappers said the alligator was a danger and a threat to the community. They also said an alligator that makes its way into a community is used to the environment and will return if it is released.
It is not unusual for alligators to use Central Florida storm drains for transportation from one part of town to another, according to the trappers.
Watch Local 6 News for more on this story.
9-Foot Alligator Pulled From Storm Drain
POSTED: 12:34 pm EDT October 7, 2005
UPDATED: 1:02 pm EDT October 7, 2005
A group of senior citizens putting out signs in Ormond Beach, Fla., Friday discovered a 9-foot alligator stuck in a storm drain near their retirement community, according to Local 6 News.
Trappers were called to the Wilmette Street in Ormond Beach to remove the large alligator Friday morning. They used a bang stick to kill the alligator and remove it from the storm drain just before noon.
SURVEY: Scared Of Alligators?
After the alligator was removed, several people watching the capture complained that the animal did not have to be killed.
Trappers said the alligator was a danger and a threat to the community. They also said an alligator that makes its way into a community is used to the environment and will return if it is released.
It is not unusual for alligators to use Central Florida storm drains for transportation from one part of town to another, according to the trappers.
Watch Local 6 News for more on this story.
prariepunk
Active member
9-Foot Alligator Pulled From Storm Drain
Tiny killer
pleads guilty
'Jabbed' Queenie, says 9-year-old
By NANCIE L. KATZ
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
A sobbing and sorrowful 9-year-old girl in ponytails and pink barrettes admitted to a judge yesterday that she "jabbed" her 11-year-old best friend to death with a knife.
"Me and Queenie was playing ball," the child told Brooklyn Family Court Judge Jane Pearl, wiping tears with a crumpled tissue. "We started fighting. I grabbed the knife. She was standing near to me.
"I know the knife is dangerous. I jabbed it in her direction," she continued, breaking into sobs as her lawyer rubbed her back to soothe her. "It went into Queenie!"
As the grandparents of victim Queen Washington looked on, her pint-sized killer waived her right to a trial and pleaded guilty to second-degree manslaughter in the May 30 slaying.
Dressed in a pink shirt with a sequined butterfly, denim skirt, tights and loafers, the girl acknowledged to Pearl that she knew the knife could hurt Queen, even kill her.
"Is there anything else you wish to say?" Pearl asked.
"Yes!" she gulped. Sobbing uncontrollably, she put her head in her hands, and cried, "I'm sorry!" as tears rolled down her mother's cheeks.
Yesterday's plea came after lawyers and the judge questioned the child intensively as to whether she understood her rights.
Before she confessed, the child's lawyer, Nicole Barnum, told Pearl that the mother and daughter decided after numerous discussions that they did not want to endure a trial.
But the plea did little to soothe Queenie's grieving grandparents. The child could face as little as probation or up to 18 months in a juvenile facility, which can be extended until she becomes 18.
"I always knew she did it," said Muriel Washington, Queenie's grandmother. "It hurt me. I'm just angry."
Washington said she believed her family had not received the "whole story" and didn't buy the child's story that she only "jabbed" her granddaughter. But she seemed to accept the child's remorse.
"Maybe she was sorry. Her and Queenie were friends for a long time," she said. "It still doesn't bring Queenie back, no matter how sorry she was."
On Tuesday, Pearl will decide whether the child needs to undergo further psychiatric evaluation before sentencing.
Originally published on October 8, 2005
Tiny killer
pleads guilty
'Jabbed' Queenie, says 9-year-old
By NANCIE L. KATZ
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
A sobbing and sorrowful 9-year-old girl in ponytails and pink barrettes admitted to a judge yesterday that she "jabbed" her 11-year-old best friend to death with a knife.
"Me and Queenie was playing ball," the child told Brooklyn Family Court Judge Jane Pearl, wiping tears with a crumpled tissue. "We started fighting. I grabbed the knife. She was standing near to me.
"I know the knife is dangerous. I jabbed it in her direction," she continued, breaking into sobs as her lawyer rubbed her back to soothe her. "It went into Queenie!"
As the grandparents of victim Queen Washington looked on, her pint-sized killer waived her right to a trial and pleaded guilty to second-degree manslaughter in the May 30 slaying.
Dressed in a pink shirt with a sequined butterfly, denim skirt, tights and loafers, the girl acknowledged to Pearl that she knew the knife could hurt Queen, even kill her.
"Is there anything else you wish to say?" Pearl asked.
"Yes!" she gulped. Sobbing uncontrollably, she put her head in her hands, and cried, "I'm sorry!" as tears rolled down her mother's cheeks.
Yesterday's plea came after lawyers and the judge questioned the child intensively as to whether she understood her rights.
Before she confessed, the child's lawyer, Nicole Barnum, told Pearl that the mother and daughter decided after numerous discussions that they did not want to endure a trial.
But the plea did little to soothe Queenie's grieving grandparents. The child could face as little as probation or up to 18 months in a juvenile facility, which can be extended until she becomes 18.
"I always knew she did it," said Muriel Washington, Queenie's grandmother. "It hurt me. I'm just angry."
Washington said she believed her family had not received the "whole story" and didn't buy the child's story that she only "jabbed" her granddaughter. But she seemed to accept the child's remorse.
"Maybe she was sorry. Her and Queenie were friends for a long time," she said. "It still doesn't bring Queenie back, no matter how sorry she was."
On Tuesday, Pearl will decide whether the child needs to undergo further psychiatric evaluation before sentencing.
Originally published on October 8, 2005
prariepunk
Active member
Tiny killer pleads guilty
London To Get Sexual 'Theme Park'
POSTED: 10:34 am EDT October 10, 2005
UPDATED: 10:34 am EDT October 10, 2005
LONDON -- Move over, Eros. Developers announced plans Friday to open a multimillion dollar sexual "theme park" near London's Piccadilly Circus, home to the much-photographed statue of the Greek god of love.
Backers say the London Academy of Sex and Relationships, due to open next spring, will not be a sleazy sex museum, but an educational multimedia attraction that will teach visitors to become better lovers and provide valuable information about disease and sexual problems.
Located within the Trocadero entertainment center _ just around the corner from Soho, London's red-light district _ the $8.3 million project will feature unspecified "high tech and interactive exhibits."
Alex Rayner, a spokesman for the project, said it was "committed to avoiding the sleazy image that the sex industry usually conjures."
"Titillation is not the goal," he said. "It's meant to be educational. It's meant to be informative."
The privately funded project has support from sexual health organizations including the Sexual Dysfunction Association and AIDS charity The Terrence Higgins Trust.
"It is long overdue that the U.K. faces up to its responsibilities in the sexual arena _ we cannot simply avoid mankind's leading preoccupation and the issues that go with it," said the academy's director of exhibits, Dr. Sarah Brewer. "The academy is the perfect vehicle by which to address these important matters in an exciting, amusing and yet educational way."
Several cities around the world _ including New York, Amsterdam, Barcelona and Paris _ are home to erotic museums. Typically, they exhibit everything from pornography to high-minded paintings exploring local sexual attitudes and culture.
London To Get Sexual 'Theme Park'
POSTED: 10:34 am EDT October 10, 2005
UPDATED: 10:34 am EDT October 10, 2005
LONDON -- Move over, Eros. Developers announced plans Friday to open a multimillion dollar sexual "theme park" near London's Piccadilly Circus, home to the much-photographed statue of the Greek god of love.
Backers say the London Academy of Sex and Relationships, due to open next spring, will not be a sleazy sex museum, but an educational multimedia attraction that will teach visitors to become better lovers and provide valuable information about disease and sexual problems.
Located within the Trocadero entertainment center _ just around the corner from Soho, London's red-light district _ the $8.3 million project will feature unspecified "high tech and interactive exhibits."
Alex Rayner, a spokesman for the project, said it was "committed to avoiding the sleazy image that the sex industry usually conjures."
"Titillation is not the goal," he said. "It's meant to be educational. It's meant to be informative."
The privately funded project has support from sexual health organizations including the Sexual Dysfunction Association and AIDS charity The Terrence Higgins Trust.
"It is long overdue that the U.K. faces up to its responsibilities in the sexual arena _ we cannot simply avoid mankind's leading preoccupation and the issues that go with it," said the academy's director of exhibits, Dr. Sarah Brewer. "The academy is the perfect vehicle by which to address these important matters in an exciting, amusing and yet educational way."
Several cities around the world _ including New York, Amsterdam, Barcelona and Paris _ are home to erotic museums. Typically, they exhibit everything from pornography to high-minded paintings exploring local sexual attitudes and culture.
prariepunk
Active member
London To Get Sexual 'Theme Park'
God cre8s da world in txt 4m
By Our Foreign Staff
“IN DA Bginnin God cre8d da heavens & da earth.†Thus begins the latest version of the Bible, translated into text messages for mobile phones. It also tells us “da earth was barren, wit no 4m of lifeâ€.
The Bible Society in Australia unveiled yesterday its translation of all 31,173 verses of the Bible in text message, which can be accessed free of charge over the internet.
The aim was to help to spread the word of God, Michael Chant, the society’s spokesman, said. “The old days when the Bible was only available within a sombre black cover with a Cross on it are long gone.
“We want to open it up for people of all ages, backgrounds and interests, and the text message version is a logical extension of that.â€
It took one person about four weeks to convert the Old and New Testaments to text. The society used the International Contemporary English Version of the Bible, and remained true to the grammar, changing only the spelling. Sending the entire Bible would take more than 30,000 text messages
God cre8s da world in txt 4m
By Our Foreign Staff
“IN DA Bginnin God cre8d da heavens & da earth.†Thus begins the latest version of the Bible, translated into text messages for mobile phones. It also tells us “da earth was barren, wit no 4m of lifeâ€.
The Bible Society in Australia unveiled yesterday its translation of all 31,173 verses of the Bible in text message, which can be accessed free of charge over the internet.
The aim was to help to spread the word of God, Michael Chant, the society’s spokesman, said. “The old days when the Bible was only available within a sombre black cover with a Cross on it are long gone.
“We want to open it up for people of all ages, backgrounds and interests, and the text message version is a logical extension of that.â€
It took one person about four weeks to convert the Old and New Testaments to text. The society used the International Contemporary English Version of the Bible, and remained true to the grammar, changing only the spelling. Sending the entire Bible would take more than 30,000 text messages
prariepunk
Active member
Cell Phones Could Be Used For Monitoring Traffic
POSTED: 11:30 pm EDT October 8, 2005
UPDATED: 10:30 pm EDT October 9, 2005
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. -- The Missouri Department of Transportation is negotiating with private contractors to monitor the movement of thousands of cell phones.
Privacy advocates are concerned about a technology that can track people. But transportation and technology leaders said the data gathered will remain anonymous.
The technology doesn't use GPS. Instead, it takes the signals that wireless phones send to towers and follows the movement of the phones from one tower to another.
That information is laid over highway maps to draw a grid of where phones are and how fast they're moving.
Watch Local 6 News for more on this story.
POSTED: 11:30 pm EDT October 8, 2005
UPDATED: 10:30 pm EDT October 9, 2005
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. -- The Missouri Department of Transportation is negotiating with private contractors to monitor the movement of thousands of cell phones.
Privacy advocates are concerned about a technology that can track people. But transportation and technology leaders said the data gathered will remain anonymous.
The technology doesn't use GPS. Instead, it takes the signals that wireless phones send to towers and follows the movement of the phones from one tower to another.
That information is laid over highway maps to draw a grid of where phones are and how fast they're moving.
Watch Local 6 News for more on this story.
prariepunk
Active member
Youth Football Coach Accused Of Having 'Hit List'
Games Canceled As City Investigates
POSTED: 4:57 pm EDT October 7, 2005
UPDATED: 6:48 am EDT October 11, 2005
LEESBURG, Fla. -- The city of Leesburg is investigating accusations that a youth football coach created a "hit list" of children and ordered his players to injure them at a recent game, according to a Local 6 News report.
During an Oct. 3 youth football game in Leesburg, 11-year-old player James Morris had his wrist shattered when he was intentionally tripped by another player after a touchdown, Local 6 News reported.
um, are you guys reading these?
Games Canceled As City Investigates
POSTED: 4:57 pm EDT October 7, 2005
UPDATED: 6:48 am EDT October 11, 2005
LEESBURG, Fla. -- The city of Leesburg is investigating accusations that a youth football coach created a "hit list" of children and ordered his players to injure them at a recent game, according to a Local 6 News report.
During an Oct. 3 youth football game in Leesburg, 11-year-old player James Morris had his wrist shattered when he was intentionally tripped by another player after a touchdown, Local 6 News reported.
um, are you guys reading these?
prariepunk
Active member
RE: 1999 Sahara Soft top windows WANTED
Cops Nab Sex Offender Clad In Rope, Feces
POSTED: 8:52 am EDT October 8, 2005
MEDFORD, Ore. -- A registered sex offender who fashioned a loin cloth from a rope and piece of lawn furniture was arrested near a high school, where he asked four girls for a ride to the mall or a motel, police said.
Kelly James Bailey, 33, of Greenwater, Wash., was wearing only the rope when he shocked a Medford woman by appearing in her back yard Thursday morning.
Before he left, Bailey, who appeared to be covered in feces, ran away with a strip of leopard-print vinyl peeled from the seat of lawn chair, said Medford police Lt. Mike Moran.
More than an hour later, four North Medford High School girls were waiting in a car near the school when Bailey - now wearing blue jeans, but still covered in the apparent fecal matter - approached the car. He asked the girls for a ride to the Red Carpet Inn or the Rogue Valley Mall.
"The girls wisely rolled up their windows and left," Moran said.
The girls alerted authorities, who spotted Bailey running near campus.
"When we caught him, he still appeared to be covered in fecal matter," Moran said. "He told us, though, he was partying with girls the night before and somehow ended up rolling around in tomato paste."
As officers patted him down, they found that he had used the rope and vinyl strip to make a primitive loin cloth.
"I think it's definitely the strangest case of the day," Moran said.
Bailey was lodged in Jackson County Jail on charges of theft, trespassing, criminal mischief and failing to register as a sex offender in Oregon. He was held on $24,000 bail.
The theft charge was for allegedly taking the vinyl strip, Moran said.
Cops Nab Sex Offender Clad In Rope, Feces
POSTED: 8:52 am EDT October 8, 2005
MEDFORD, Ore. -- A registered sex offender who fashioned a loin cloth from a rope and piece of lawn furniture was arrested near a high school, where he asked four girls for a ride to the mall or a motel, police said.
Kelly James Bailey, 33, of Greenwater, Wash., was wearing only the rope when he shocked a Medford woman by appearing in her back yard Thursday morning.
Before he left, Bailey, who appeared to be covered in feces, ran away with a strip of leopard-print vinyl peeled from the seat of lawn chair, said Medford police Lt. Mike Moran.
More than an hour later, four North Medford High School girls were waiting in a car near the school when Bailey - now wearing blue jeans, but still covered in the apparent fecal matter - approached the car. He asked the girls for a ride to the Red Carpet Inn or the Rogue Valley Mall.
"The girls wisely rolled up their windows and left," Moran said.
The girls alerted authorities, who spotted Bailey running near campus.
"When we caught him, he still appeared to be covered in fecal matter," Moran said. "He told us, though, he was partying with girls the night before and somehow ended up rolling around in tomato paste."
As officers patted him down, they found that he had used the rope and vinyl strip to make a primitive loin cloth.
"I think it's definitely the strangest case of the day," Moran said.
Bailey was lodged in Jackson County Jail on charges of theft, trespassing, criminal mischief and failing to register as a sex offender in Oregon. He was held on $24,000 bail.
The theft charge was for allegedly taking the vinyl strip, Moran said.
LadyJeepFreak
New member
RE: Holy Mud-Buggy Batman
London To Get Sexual 'Theme Park'
POSTED: 10:34 am EDT October 10, 2005
UPDATED: 10:34 am EDT October 10, 2005
LONDON -- Move over, Eros. Developers announced plans Friday to open a multimillion dollar sexual "theme park" near London's Piccadilly Circus, home to the much-photographed statue of the Greek god of love.
---------------------------------
Looks like I toured London a couple of years too early!!
AND
LOL On the wierdo covered in feces!!
Lady
London To Get Sexual 'Theme Park'
POSTED: 10:34 am EDT October 10, 2005
UPDATED: 10:34 am EDT October 10, 2005
LONDON -- Move over, Eros. Developers announced plans Friday to open a multimillion dollar sexual "theme park" near London's Piccadilly Circus, home to the much-photographed statue of the Greek god of love.
---------------------------------
Looks like I toured London a couple of years too early!!
AND
LOL On the wierdo covered in feces!!
Lady
Sparky-Watts
Banned
Re: RE: Making Strides for Breast Cancer
Back in the late 80's when gas was just starting to top $1.00 a gallon, a local station did the same thing on one of their pumps, and we got it for 10 cents a gallon. It took the bozo clerk several hours to make the connection of all these people buying $1-$2 dollars worth of gas all night!
Back in the late 80's when gas was just starting to top $1.00 a gallon, a local station did the same thing on one of their pumps, and we got it for 10 cents a gallon. It took the bozo clerk several hours to make the connection of all these people buying $1-$2 dollars worth of gas all night!
prariepunk
Active member
Dude, Nice Pumpkins
http://www.cardstacker.com/gallery.html
AND
http://www.cardstacker.com/gallery2.html
http://www.cardstacker.com/gallery.html
AND
http://www.cardstacker.com/gallery2.html
RE: Another belly up question
Good stuff!
Good stuff!
felix_santi
New member
FINALLY, someone has come out with a 100% bipartisan political bumper sticker.
The hottest selling bumper sticker comes from New York State: "2008 - RUN
HILLARY RUN"
Democrats put it on the rear bumper.
Republicans put it on the front bumper.
A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she's in heat".
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you".
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here".
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, rubbed some on the fur close to the dog's backside to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on a leash and only go one time around the block".
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Oh no! Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home".
Wife comes home early from work one day only to find her husband in bed
with a strange woman.
She says, "That's it, I'm leaving and never coming back."
He says, "Please,Please don't go....... you at least have to hear my
explanation?"
She shrugs and says, "Fine, let's hear your weakass story. And this had
better be good!"
He says, "Well, I'm driving along the street, when I see this young
lady in torn clothes, no shoes, all muddy and crying. I took pity on her and
asked if she would like to get cleaned up in my house. She climbed into my
truck and I brought her home. She took a shower, I gave her the underwear that doesn't fit you anymore, the silk blouse and slacks that I bought you two years ago that you wore once, and can no longer fit into, the $150 Nike running shoes I bought you to exercise and wore only twice, and you now scuff and growl at. I even gave her some of the roast beef you had in the fridge, that you never served me....then I showed her to the door.
She was so grateful, for all these things, and she thanked me profusely.
But then, as she was about to leave she turned around and asked me........
"Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks
over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each
week
and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show,
"Look,
it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the
table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all,
the
captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank,
drowning
almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the
middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They
stared
at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day ... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days ...
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and
said
...... "OK, I give up. Where's the f**kin' ship?"
The hottest selling bumper sticker comes from New York State: "2008 - RUN
HILLARY RUN"
Democrats put it on the rear bumper.
Republicans put it on the front bumper.
A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she's in heat".
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you".
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here".
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, rubbed some on the fur close to the dog's backside to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on a leash and only go one time around the block".
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Oh no! Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home".
Wife comes home early from work one day only to find her husband in bed
with a strange woman.
She says, "That's it, I'm leaving and never coming back."
He says, "Please,Please don't go....... you at least have to hear my
explanation?"
She shrugs and says, "Fine, let's hear your weakass story. And this had
better be good!"
He says, "Well, I'm driving along the street, when I see this young
lady in torn clothes, no shoes, all muddy and crying. I took pity on her and
asked if she would like to get cleaned up in my house. She climbed into my
truck and I brought her home. She took a shower, I gave her the underwear that doesn't fit you anymore, the silk blouse and slacks that I bought you two years ago that you wore once, and can no longer fit into, the $150 Nike running shoes I bought you to exercise and wore only twice, and you now scuff and growl at. I even gave her some of the roast beef you had in the fridge, that you never served me....then I showed her to the door.
She was so grateful, for all these things, and she thanked me profusely.
But then, as she was about to leave she turned around and asked me........
"Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks
over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each
week
and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show,
"Look,
it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the
table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all,
the
captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank,
drowning
almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the
middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They
stared
at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day ... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days ...
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and
said
...... "OK, I give up. Where's the f**kin' ship?"
prariepunk
Active member
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120mph. Suddenly,he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.
Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120mph. Suddenly,he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.
Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper
