FINALLY, someone has come out with a 100% bipartisan political bumper sticker.
The hottest selling bumper sticker comes from New York State: "2008 - RUN
HILLARY RUN"
Democrats put it on the rear bumper.
Republicans put it on the front bumper.
A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she's in heat".
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you".
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here".
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, rubbed some on the fur close to the dog's backside to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on a leash and only go one time around the block".
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Oh no! Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home".
Wife comes home early from work one day only to find her husband in bed
with a strange woman.
She says, "That's it, I'm leaving and never coming back."
He says, "Please,Please don't go....... you at least have to hear my
explanation?"
She shrugs and says, "Fine, let's hear your weakass story. And this had
better be good!"
He says, "Well, I'm driving along the street, when I see this young
lady in torn clothes, no shoes, all muddy and crying. I took pity on her and
asked if she would like to get cleaned up in my house. She climbed into my
truck and I brought her home. She took a shower, I gave her the underwear that doesn't fit you anymore, the silk blouse and slacks that I bought you two years ago that you wore once, and can no longer fit into, the $150 Nike running shoes I bought you to exercise and wore only twice, and you now scuff and growl at. I even gave her some of the roast beef you had in the fridge, that you never served me....then I showed her to the door.
She was so grateful, for all these things, and she thanked me profusely.
But then, as she was about to leave she turned around and asked me........
"Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?"
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The Parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks
over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each
week
and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show,
"Look,
it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the
table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all,
the
captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank,
drowning
almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the
middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They
stared
at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day ... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days ...
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and
said
...... "OK, I give up. Where's the f**kin' ship?"