The OFFICIAL Random thread
- Thread starter mingez
- Start date
JPNinPA
Well-known member
I was driving down the hi-way last week with a State Trooper tailing me. I was watching my speed and well within the speed limit. Don't like people speeding in my neighborhood so i don't in theirs. Anyway! I paid so much attention to the speedometer I hit a turkey as it was crossing the road half way in flight. The turkey bounced of my windshield and tumbled over the jeep landing smack on the windshield of the cruiser. Well the lights came on and I was ticketed. What a day…
xt master
New member
What where was your ticket for?I would fight,it is an act of nature.Should you have jammed your brakes on and swerved,either flipping your jeep or having the cruiser rear end you?
JPNinPA
Well-known member
xt master
New member
The officer ticketed me for:...... flipping him the bird.:funny::funny::funny:
:funny::rofl:
Glamissand1
New member
To Jeep or Not to Jeep.
JPNinPA
Well-known member
Made tears roll
You know the strangest thing happened to me tonight. I had stopped on the way home from work to pick up a few things for dinner like usual. The only thing was tonight there was an older lady in front of me who kept looking at me. I shrugged it off and tried to keep from making eye contact but the more I did this the more uncomfortable I became. I looked up and her eyes are fixed on me. I kept checking my hair, my shirt for spills, lint or something. It really started to annoy me. I’m at the point to just tell her to take a picture already. Or ask what is wrong with her. And then she approaches me. My heart is racing as I want so bad to say something and yet not be an ass about it. She comes closer and says “Sir… I’m sorry … I’m sure you noticed me staring at you by now…but I can’t help it.†She starts to tear. “But you look so much like my son. My son I lost over2 years ago. I…I never got to say goodbye and how sorry I was for the argument we had earlier over a phone bill. It was a stupid thing to argue over.†At this point I felt like the biggest ass. Here I was about to rip into this woman who feels such guilt and distress about her lost son. She continued, “Sir I know I made you feel uncomfortable...and what I’m asking is even more out of the ordinary, but ….If you could be so kind…since you look so much like my son…could I just tell you I’m sorry and could I tell you my final goodbye.†Well what could I say but...SURE! After all my suspicions were so off and by now, I was starting to tear. Soon all her items were checked and bagged in the cart. She started to walk away. Still looking at me, she runs to me and gives me a hug, sobbing she says “I’m sorry son.†She turns to walk away and she says “Goodbye son.†Caught up in the moment (still tearing up) I say “Goodbye Mom and its all o.k.†Just as she leaves the store she says “THANKS! That really helped me†I shouted back “Your Welcome.â€
EDIT: Damn I thought I copied it all here. The story is long so I typed it up in word; anyway that was not the end. The lady left and I checked out the few items I had; milk, chips, coleslaw. The cashier said “That will be $285.95.†I felt confused for a moment and said “You must have wrung something up wrong.†She looks at me confused and says “Well you are paying for your mom’s stuff†WHAP it hits me. I’ve been conned. I start running for the door. Like a movie people are yelling at me and trying to get in the way to stop me. I spot the lady filling her trunk already as I leave the store. Now she sees me coming and starts just throwing the stuff in there. I’m like two cars away and she ditches the stuff, slams the lid and starts to get in. I trip land flat on my face. I take one final leap as she is closing the door. I grab anything I could…her leg. I start pulling and pulling her leg. Harder and harder I pull her leg….Just like I’m pulling yours.
You know the strangest thing happened to me tonight. I had stopped on the way home from work to pick up a few things for dinner like usual. The only thing was tonight there was an older lady in front of me who kept looking at me. I shrugged it off and tried to keep from making eye contact but the more I did this the more uncomfortable I became. I looked up and her eyes are fixed on me. I kept checking my hair, my shirt for spills, lint or something. It really started to annoy me. I’m at the point to just tell her to take a picture already. Or ask what is wrong with her. And then she approaches me. My heart is racing as I want so bad to say something and yet not be an ass about it. She comes closer and says “Sir… I’m sorry … I’m sure you noticed me staring at you by now…but I can’t help it.†She starts to tear. “But you look so much like my son. My son I lost over2 years ago. I…I never got to say goodbye and how sorry I was for the argument we had earlier over a phone bill. It was a stupid thing to argue over.†At this point I felt like the biggest ass. Here I was about to rip into this woman who feels such guilt and distress about her lost son. She continued, “Sir I know I made you feel uncomfortable...and what I’m asking is even more out of the ordinary, but ….If you could be so kind…since you look so much like my son…could I just tell you I’m sorry and could I tell you my final goodbye.†Well what could I say but...SURE! After all my suspicions were so off and by now, I was starting to tear. Soon all her items were checked and bagged in the cart. She started to walk away. Still looking at me, she runs to me and gives me a hug, sobbing she says “I’m sorry son.†She turns to walk away and she says “Goodbye son.†Caught up in the moment (still tearing up) I say “Goodbye Mom and its all o.k.†Just as she leaves the store she says “THANKS! That really helped me†I shouted back “Your Welcome.â€
EDIT: Damn I thought I copied it all here. The story is long so I typed it up in word; anyway that was not the end. The lady left and I checked out the few items I had; milk, chips, coleslaw. The cashier said “That will be $285.95.†I felt confused for a moment and said “You must have wrung something up wrong.†She looks at me confused and says “Well you are paying for your mom’s stuff†WHAP it hits me. I’ve been conned. I start running for the door. Like a movie people are yelling at me and trying to get in the way to stop me. I spot the lady filling her trunk already as I leave the store. Now she sees me coming and starts just throwing the stuff in there. I’m like two cars away and she ditches the stuff, slams the lid and starts to get in. I trip land flat on my face. I take one final leap as she is closing the door. I grab anything I could…her leg. I start pulling and pulling her leg. Harder and harder I pull her leg….Just like I’m pulling yours.
Last edited:
SteelHeadz
Super Moderator
LMAO:lol::lol::lol:Two horsepower Jeep.
Vortexbetty
New member
HiHood
New member
lo siento pero yo no se:???:
Weylyn
New member
A DOG NAMED SEX
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him *rover* or *spot*. I called mine *sex*. Now sex has been very embarrassing to me when I went to the city hall to renew the dog's license for sex. I told the clerk I'd like a license for sex he said. "I would like to have one too!". Then I said, "she is a dog!!". He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "you don't understand. I had sex since I was 9 years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "but sex has played a big part in my life and my life revolves around sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the justice of peace. My family was barred from the church then on.
When my wife and went on out honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for sex. He said every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "you don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "me too!"
One day I entered sex in a contest. But before the competition began, sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand!!" I said. "I hoped to have sex on TV!!". He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "your honour. I had sex before I was married, but sex left me after I was married." The judge said, "me too!!"
Last night, sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for sex." My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with my psychiatrist, she asked me, "what seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "sex has been my best friend all of my life but now it has left me forever. I couldn't live any longer. So lonely." The doctor said, "look mister you should understand sex isn't a man's best friend. So get yourself a dog."
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him *rover* or *spot*. I called mine *sex*. Now sex has been very embarrassing to me when I went to the city hall to renew the dog's license for sex. I told the clerk I'd like a license for sex he said. "I would like to have one too!". Then I said, "she is a dog!!". He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "you don't understand. I had sex since I was 9 years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "but sex has played a big part in my life and my life revolves around sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the justice of peace. My family was barred from the church then on.
When my wife and went on out honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for sex. He said every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "you don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "me too!"
One day I entered sex in a contest. But before the competition began, sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand!!" I said. "I hoped to have sex on TV!!". He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "your honour. I had sex before I was married, but sex left me after I was married." The judge said, "me too!!"
Last night, sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for sex." My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with my psychiatrist, she asked me, "what seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "sex has been my best friend all of my life but now it has left me forever. I couldn't live any longer. So lonely." The doctor said, "look mister you should understand sex isn't a man's best friend. So get yourself a dog."
Vortexbetty
New member
Oh thank god. Yes, that helps. :lol:
SteelHeadz
Super Moderator
LMAO Weylyn!!. Here's a true story from the Las Vegas P.D.. 2 officers was dispatched for a 417 call(Domestic Violence). The residence was located on a second floor apt. complex. As the 2 officers approached the apt. door with caution, they heard yelling and screaming from the couple inside the apartment. One of the officers knocked at the door and announced themselves as Las Vegas P.D. officers and would like to talk to them. There was complete silence in the apartment after the announcement. The 2 officers got worried and was suspicious of the welfare of the individuals in the apartment and decided to check if the door was locked. To their surprise, it wasn't. As they opened the door, 2 huge pitbulls growling on the attack was going to greet them at the door, so the officer quickly shut the door for their safety and called animal control to contain the dogs. A few seconds later the shift sargeant shows up and asked the 2 officers why are they just standing outside the door. The officers replied , There's 2 big Pitbulls on the other side of the door and we called animal control to contain them. The sargeant replied, call off the animal control, i will handle this. He then opened the door abruptly and yelled Bad dogs!! Bad dogs!!. The dogs folded their ears back and ran into the kitchen puckered up. The 2 officers whispered to each other and said, My next rottweiler will be named Bad Dog.
