Roundlights
New member
2004tjsport said:
Too funny, I now have a TJ, the ex just traded the 3 cars in for a Liberty!
Spooky........
Need some help....
- Thread starter 2004tjsport
- Start date
Too funny, I now have a TJ, the ex just traded the 3 cars in for a Liberty!
Spooky........
2004tjsport
New member
No prob Jumppr. Women are all nuts in my opinion these days. If your ex is one of the crazy ones I don't blame you for askin'
Maybe they are more people out there with a TJ and a Liberty than I thought....jeeps are awesome!
Maybe they are more people out there with a TJ and a Liberty than I thought....jeeps are awesome!
Roundlights
New member
2004tjsport said:
I actually was blown away the other day, I saw a Liberty that was jacked at least 4.5" with what appeared to be 33-35's on it......... looked pretty rad.... tried to snap a shot with the camera phone but I was going to fast!
TwistedCU
New member
AMC 20 axles?
How you view what she has told you and how she deals with her feelings depend greatly on what you believe love to be. I firmly believe the #1 reason for so much divorce in our country is because so many of us grow up believing love to be that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you see, think of, or are with that special someone. This is a belief that sets us up for failure, as feelings come and go... hence the divorce rate.
Love is by no means an emotion. Your wife may still have feelings for her ex husband, but as the saying goes absence makes the heart grow fonder. She most likely was in (as I like to call it) "warm fuzzy" with him. They were on cloud 9, got married, then had problems, the warm fuzzy got less warm and a lot less fuzzy. They got divorced. Probably the same story with your first marraige. Now you are both going through the cycle again. You've had problems and the warm fuzzy has been replaced with matters that require true love. Love as in a verb not an adjective. A verb, as in requires action. Love is something you show, something you do, something you work to uphold at any cost. When you truly love someone and they love you back the result is something that makes the old "warm fuzzy" seem quite trivial and childish. It is truly a gift from God and, by the way, you are not on his "list". You and your wife need to both realize that is it perfectly normal for married people to care for others, have fond memories of past relationships, and be realistic that occaisionally temptation or thought that can damage your marraige will come. Loving each other is resisting that temptation. I'm sure you know the temptation I speak of, most any man (or woman) would.
There are several reasons why she may have told you this about her ex. All of them include the fact that her expectations of your marraige have differed from the outcome. She may want to put a fire under your butt to see if you'll fight for her (fight as in work hard to save your marraige) or she may be lashing out because something you said or did may have either hurt her or made her feel unimportant to you. There are a hundred possible reasons, as she is a woman
I think figuring out why is less important than working on saving your marraige.
You have a very simple decision to make:
You can either let what she has told you drive a final wedge into your marraige or you can use it as a wake up call to save your marraige. It can be saved, but it will require work from the both of you. You married the woman, she must have been worth it once... she's still worth it now.
Worst case scenario: You try and fail. Yes it is a possibility, and this is a very big problem with people today. They are not willing to be the one who wants to fight because they may end up rejected or used. SO WHAT! If you try, and you fail, you will do so knowing you did your part to uphold your vows to her. She goes to repeat the cycle and if you get into another relationship you'll do so with the tools required to make it work.
Best case scenario: You save your marraige, avoid another divorce, and grow old with the woman you once "warm fuzzied" but now truly love.
Go for it man, go get her! What have you got to lose? Pride? Pride is a fools prize my man
***
A great definition of love is in the Bible. I am not stumping here, but it is a flawless definition and worth reading for anyone with any beliefs:
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails
How you view what she has told you and how she deals with her feelings depend greatly on what you believe love to be. I firmly believe the #1 reason for so much divorce in our country is because so many of us grow up believing love to be that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you see, think of, or are with that special someone. This is a belief that sets us up for failure, as feelings come and go... hence the divorce rate.
Love is by no means an emotion. Your wife may still have feelings for her ex husband, but as the saying goes absence makes the heart grow fonder. She most likely was in (as I like to call it) "warm fuzzy" with him. They were on cloud 9, got married, then had problems, the warm fuzzy got less warm and a lot less fuzzy. They got divorced. Probably the same story with your first marraige. Now you are both going through the cycle again. You've had problems and the warm fuzzy has been replaced with matters that require true love. Love as in a verb not an adjective. A verb, as in requires action. Love is something you show, something you do, something you work to uphold at any cost. When you truly love someone and they love you back the result is something that makes the old "warm fuzzy" seem quite trivial and childish. It is truly a gift from God and, by the way, you are not on his "list". You and your wife need to both realize that is it perfectly normal for married people to care for others, have fond memories of past relationships, and be realistic that occaisionally temptation or thought that can damage your marraige will come. Loving each other is resisting that temptation. I'm sure you know the temptation I speak of, most any man (or woman) would.
There are several reasons why she may have told you this about her ex. All of them include the fact that her expectations of your marraige have differed from the outcome. She may want to put a fire under your butt to see if you'll fight for her (fight as in work hard to save your marraige) or she may be lashing out because something you said or did may have either hurt her or made her feel unimportant to you. There are a hundred possible reasons, as she is a woman
I think figuring out why is less important than working on saving your marraige. You have a very simple decision to make:
You can either let what she has told you drive a final wedge into your marraige or you can use it as a wake up call to save your marraige. It can be saved, but it will require work from the both of you. You married the woman, she must have been worth it once... she's still worth it now.
Worst case scenario: You try and fail. Yes it is a possibility, and this is a very big problem with people today. They are not willing to be the one who wants to fight because they may end up rejected or used. SO WHAT! If you try, and you fail, you will do so knowing you did your part to uphold your vows to her. She goes to repeat the cycle and if you get into another relationship you'll do so with the tools required to make it work.
Best case scenario: You save your marraige, avoid another divorce, and grow old with the woman you once "warm fuzzied" but now truly love.
Go for it man, go get her! What have you got to lose? Pride? Pride is a fools prize my man
***
A great definition of love is in the Bible. I am not stumping here, but it is a flawless definition and worth reading for anyone with any beliefs:
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails
JeepMonkey
New member
I've seen a few around here that have been lifted a little with 31's or 33's and they do look awesome. If only they weren't IFS, but then again nothing's perfect.
2004tjsport
New member
RE: nutter bypass...
Thank you for that. Definitely a different perspective.
Thank you for that. Definitely a different perspective.
TwistedCU
New member
RE: Satellite Plug and Play Tuners - do they work OK?
Who ever said it was?
2004tjsport,
Has your wife been seeing this man? Has she left you or made it clear that she intends to?
The reason I ask is because there's a big difference between words and actions. If she is having an affair then the situation is entirely different. Often people say things they regret or things that are not even true, but actions are another story. Has no one here ever said something they didn't mean? Something really stupid? I know I have. Sure that was a doozie, but my point is if she hasn't seen this man, hasn't been telling him she plans to leave you, then it may be and most likely was a ploy of sorts. Sure a heartless one, but without knowing you, her, or more of the story it bothers me that folks immediately tell you to ditch her.
Who ever said it was?
2004tjsport,
Has your wife been seeing this man? Has she left you or made it clear that she intends to?
The reason I ask is because there's a big difference between words and actions. If she is having an affair then the situation is entirely different. Often people say things they regret or things that are not even true, but actions are another story. Has no one here ever said something they didn't mean? Something really stupid? I know I have. Sure that was a doozie, but my point is if she hasn't seen this man, hasn't been telling him she plans to leave you, then it may be and most likely was a ploy of sorts. Sure a heartless one, but without knowing you, her, or more of the story it bothers me that folks immediately tell you to ditch her.
clutch?
Sorry to hear about this man. Like everyone has been saying it sounds like its a pretty bad situation. A marriage is built on trust and with a statment like that coming out of your wife how can you trust her not to act on those feelings. That being said, I still believe alot can be worked out in a marriage. Maybe she was just feeling crazy for whatever reason that day and she didnt real mean to say that. It sounds like you need to have a sit down serious conversation with your wife on what she is feeling and where this is going to take you both. Maybe a marriage councelor would be a good way to work things out. The end result may be divorce but I wouldnt give up on my wife without trying everything possible. The biggest fear I have is my marriage not working...I wish you all the best.
Sorry to hear about this man. Like everyone has been saying it sounds like its a pretty bad situation. A marriage is built on trust and with a statment like that coming out of your wife how can you trust her not to act on those feelings. That being said, I still believe alot can be worked out in a marriage. Maybe she was just feeling crazy for whatever reason that day and she didnt real mean to say that. It sounds like you need to have a sit down serious conversation with your wife on what she is feeling and where this is going to take you both. Maybe a marriage councelor would be a good way to work things out. The end result may be divorce but I wouldnt give up on my wife without trying everything possible. The biggest fear I have is my marriage not working...I wish you all the best.
TwistedCopper said:
Don't get me wrong, I totally agree with this. And I am not saying leave her. I'm just saying look deeply at a woman who who say something like this (ploy or no ploy) and be sure it is worth it. I have to question a woman who would be so willing to hurt the man that she loves. I in no way advocate divorce. But you have to have trust and honesty in a functional marriage.
Roundlights
New member
I am strong in my belief that you need to do what is right for you.
No matter what the context of the disclosed "information" was, it was told to you less than a year into a marriage that she loves somebody else. She in no certain terms trying to tell you that its over. Why else would it be said? As a game? To try and get you closer? Who in "love" would put another through that?
Not to disagree with all the posts above, because there is very good points and great insight into all of them.
But once that threshold of telling you to your face that your partner is in love with another person, thats it in my book. Game over, case closed. You would then be batteling for a person that obviously finds SOME part of you endearing, but not enough to gain all of their love and attention.
No matter what the context of the disclosed "information" was, it was told to you less than a year into a marriage that she loves somebody else. She in no certain terms trying to tell you that its over. Why else would it be said? As a game? To try and get you closer? Who in "love" would put another through that?
Not to disagree with all the posts above, because there is very good points and great insight into all of them.
But once that threshold of telling you to your face that your partner is in love with another person, thats it in my book. Game over, case closed. You would then be batteling for a person that obviously finds SOME part of you endearing, but not enough to gain all of their love and attention.
Roundlights
New member
By the way, who knew so many greasy jeepers would have so much insight???
Again, great support in here, be it technical or just plain human.
Again, great support in here, be it technical or just plain human.
mingez
New member
RE: Re: RE: I shimmie
I like what TC said, and he is right. It's the fight and the journey that is love. But sometimes that fight can kill a person...and cause irrepairable damage. What has someone got to lose? In my case it was a lot.
I fought for the woman I loved, and when the smoke cleared I wasn't better for it. I should have trusted my initial instincts and left when I found out she betrayed me. In your case, she may not have done anything yet. But caution is also recommended.
But hey, I'm the last person in the world to be giving anyone advice on relationships. It'd probably be more productive for a monkey to have posted on this subject than me. :wink:
I like what TC said, and he is right. It's the fight and the journey that is love. But sometimes that fight can kill a person...and cause irrepairable damage. What has someone got to lose? In my case it was a lot.
I fought for the woman I loved, and when the smoke cleared I wasn't better for it. I should have trusted my initial instincts and left when I found out she betrayed me. In your case, she may not have done anything yet. But caution is also recommended.
But hey, I'm the last person in the world to be giving anyone advice on relationships. It'd probably be more productive for a monkey to have posted on this subject than me. :wink:
2004tjsport
New member
RE: Re: RE: I shimmie
Everyone here has really valid points. That's why I asked. Everything being said was exactly what was going through my head. Just get up and cut my losses or seriously look at our relationship. Have I done something for her to start thinking about her ex again?
And no she has not acted on these feelings. We're together 24/7....that one I would know.
Everyone here has really valid points. That's why I asked. Everything being said was exactly what was going through my head. Just get up and cut my losses or seriously look at our relationship. Have I done something for her to start thinking about her ex again?
And no she has not acted on these feelings. We're together 24/7....that one I would know.
2004tjsport
New member
Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Wiring in windshield mounted lights-
Thank you everybody for your input. We had a long talk last night and she has not cheated (i believe her), does not want to, and does not want to get back with her ex....however i knew something was bothering her and she finally told me what it was. She still has feelings for her ex, but wants our marriage to work. That's why she needed to be honest with me. Now if I can get past it, we should be ok. Marriage counselors will probably be in our future.
Just wanted to tell everyone thanks!
Thank you everybody for your input. We had a long talk last night and she has not cheated (i believe her), does not want to, and does not want to get back with her ex....however i knew something was bothering her and she finally told me what it was. She still has feelings for her ex, but wants our marriage to work. That's why she needed to be honest with me. Now if I can get past it, we should be ok. Marriage counselors will probably be in our future.
Just wanted to tell everyone thanks!
88Wrangles
New member
Re: RE: OT -- "Store Wars"
That's pretty cool. I'm sure you guys will be able to work everything out if you try. I think the only time you should REALLY have to start worrying is if she was still in contact with her ex.
Of course, if Mingez is the last person in the world to be giving advise about realationships, I'm the second to the last person :roll:
That's pretty cool. I'm sure you guys will be able to work everything out if you try. I think the only time you should REALLY have to start worrying is if she was still in contact with her ex.
Of course, if Mingez is the last person in the world to be giving advise about realationships, I'm the second to the last person :roll:
currupt4130
VT Hokie
RE: 4Bangers attention!
divorce her and buy a yj! sorry for the enthusiasim...
thats really a rough situation bud, i hope you can sort through it all and i think everyone here is right, get rid of her before you get anymore harm out of it. its the best way to go. this is one of the best places to come for advice when you have nowhere else to turn, everyone here is honest and always willing to help, ive found that out before. so dont hesitate to ask a question
divorce her and buy a yj! sorry for the enthusiasim...
thats really a rough situation bud, i hope you can sort through it all and i think everyone here is right, get rid of her before you get anymore harm out of it. its the best way to go. this is one of the best places to come for advice when you have nowhere else to turn, everyone here is honest and always willing to help, ive found that out before. so dont hesitate to ask a question
TwistedCU
New member
RE: 4.0L operating temp
From what I have read you already are well on your way to being past it, but she needs to realize that if your marraige is going to work, she has to put the past behind her and concentrate on loving her husband. I hope for the both of you that she does. It takes a lot to forgive someone for a deep cut like that one. It says a lot about your character. Have faith that doing the right thing will be rewarded.
From what I have read you already are well on your way to being past it, but she needs to realize that if your marraige is going to work, she has to put the past behind her and concentrate on loving her husband. I hope for the both of you that she does. It takes a lot to forgive someone for a deep cut like that one. It says a lot about your character. Have faith that doing the right thing will be rewarded.
LadyJeepFreak
New member
Good Luck!
I am kinda with TC on this one. I have had one failed marraige too and never thought I'd be in that situation. When it came down to it, there were certain things that were done that I couldn't forgive and forget so I left. In other ways though, our relationship was not bad at all and perhaps with counseling we could have worked it out. We had purchased a total dream starter house and both had good jobs so we were able to afford and enjoy it.
My ex and I weren't ready for counseling when I decided to leave but in the next year he brought it up to me and wanted to do it. I couldn't let things out of my head though and steadfastly refused it. I took my name off the mortgage and divorced him even thought it killed me and still bothers me.
Now, two years later and with much learned and experienced I think I was the fool for not offering to try the counseling even if I had left the home for months by that point. I really did care for him very much and it might have been another american marraige saved. We had ten years in that relationship.
Ten years is alot of time to have behind you and then start back over. I never realized just how much you build with a person in years like that.
I am definately learning now. I'm six or seven months in another serious relationship now and relearning this person just as I did my husband so long ago. Sometimes when we have bad days I feel like throwing it all away again but I remind myself of my past mistakes and try harder to make it work. I feel lucky to have found someone a second time over that I am willing to rebuild with so I just try to work it out.
Also, honesty is very important. Just because she told you doesn't mean she'd act on it (like others have said). I am the same way. I think it helps a person learn someone else if they are honest and both really know their other halfs experiences and feelings on past relationships. I have been open about my ex with this person, so he knows all that I have typed above.
TC, my beloved grandfather read your bible quotes at my first marraige in front of the whole church. That really hurts me now because I truly believed in those statements. I just was never adult enough to really do as they said.
I think the base of love is possibly an emotion but I don't think you can survive for the long haul on just an emotion. I agree that it takes hard work, lots of forgiveness and lots of caring.
My beloved grandmother also told me once that you should always treat your other half better than you would yourself, ALWAYS. Never speak in anger that wich you wouldn't say otherwise.
That's real hard to do but great advice. This was given when I asked how they tolerated each other for 64 years. I never saw one whiff of any trouble in thier marraige my whole life. Now that they are older and crankier, I see them pick at each other often but they both take it with a grain of salt from what I can tell.
Anyway, just some reflection from someone who has had a failed marraige as well. I wish you the very best. Everyone deserves it.
Lady
I am kinda with TC on this one. I have had one failed marraige too and never thought I'd be in that situation. When it came down to it, there were certain things that were done that I couldn't forgive and forget so I left. In other ways though, our relationship was not bad at all and perhaps with counseling we could have worked it out. We had purchased a total dream starter house and both had good jobs so we were able to afford and enjoy it.
My ex and I weren't ready for counseling when I decided to leave but in the next year he brought it up to me and wanted to do it. I couldn't let things out of my head though and steadfastly refused it. I took my name off the mortgage and divorced him even thought it killed me and still bothers me.
Now, two years later and with much learned and experienced I think I was the fool for not offering to try the counseling even if I had left the home for months by that point. I really did care for him very much and it might have been another american marraige saved. We had ten years in that relationship.
Ten years is alot of time to have behind you and then start back over. I never realized just how much you build with a person in years like that.
I am definately learning now. I'm six or seven months in another serious relationship now and relearning this person just as I did my husband so long ago. Sometimes when we have bad days I feel like throwing it all away again but I remind myself of my past mistakes and try harder to make it work. I feel lucky to have found someone a second time over that I am willing to rebuild with so I just try to work it out.
Also, honesty is very important. Just because she told you doesn't mean she'd act on it (like others have said). I am the same way. I think it helps a person learn someone else if they are honest and both really know their other halfs experiences and feelings on past relationships. I have been open about my ex with this person, so he knows all that I have typed above.
TC, my beloved grandfather read your bible quotes at my first marraige in front of the whole church. That really hurts me now because I truly believed in those statements. I just was never adult enough to really do as they said.
I think the base of love is possibly an emotion but I don't think you can survive for the long haul on just an emotion. I agree that it takes hard work, lots of forgiveness and lots of caring.
My beloved grandmother also told me once that you should always treat your other half better than you would yourself, ALWAYS. Never speak in anger that wich you wouldn't say otherwise.
That's real hard to do but great advice. This was given when I asked how they tolerated each other for 64 years. I never saw one whiff of any trouble in thier marraige my whole life. Now that they are older and crankier, I see them pick at each other often but they both take it with a grain of salt from what I can tell.
Anyway, just some reflection from someone who has had a failed marraige as well. I wish you the very best. Everyone deserves it.
Lady
Sparky-Watts
Banned
RE: heater hoses
I hope it works out for you.....I truly do. I hate to see a marriage end, so much pain and angst. I have my doubts, though. Here's why:
In 1993, I met a woman through a student of mine in an EMT class I was teaching. She was great, had two kids from a previous marriage, and truly seemed to be in need of someone to help her get back on her feet from the previous divorce. We married in December of '96. My first sign should have been in the few months prior to our marriage when I found out she had been married not once, but three times before. Her latest ex came to visit (actually, I came to visit after class one day and found that he had slept "on the couch" the night before because he was too drunk to drive). BIG SIGN!! I missed it. His visits then became regular, whether I was there or not, even to the point of taking her and the kids (from the marriage before him) out to lavish dinners and movies and skating and bowling, etc. while I was in paramedic class. She said they were still close friends, and she only divorced him because of his drinking problem. Ok....I missed that sign too. The day we got married, she looked wonderful. She also looked very nervous as she stumbled coming up the aisle. She seemed to be in a daze of happiness, her eyes were sorta glassed over and had a distant stare...until she stood next to me and I could smell the alcohol....another sign, but I caught that one. Later she told me she had to have a shot just to calm her nerves to get through the ceremony. I found an empty fifth of scotch in the kitchen trash after the ceremony. Yeah, she'd been a drinker since I met her, but only beer...a lot of beer. Shoulda seen that sign plastered all over the empty beer cartons in the trash can, right? After the wedding, I found out how much she really drank: up to a case and a half of beer a night, sometimes all the way up to 4 or 5am when she had to be at work at 8am. Of course, when I'd mention it, it always turned into a huge brawl. I drank, too....a couple of beers a night. No, I'm not against drinking...only against drinking to excess...constantly. Back to the ex....he still came over, even after we were married, and would blatantly flirt with her right in front of me, telling her she needed to come back to him. After I kicked him out on his arse one night and told her I didn't want him back over, she said he was just playing around, teasing me. Bullsquat. So, when I'd go to work (I worked nights in the ER), she'd go see him at his place and drink the night away. Then she'd drive 45 miles home drunk. One night, I came home early because I'd been beaten pretty badly by a drunk in the ER. She showed up around 2:30am with the kids, drunk and stumbling (yeah, it was also a school night for the kids, ages 10 and 12). So, of course we had another huge fight where she swore she only needed some company while I was at work and didn't have any feelings for him anymore, he was just a friend, and loved me and only me. I fell for it....until the next day when I started talking to her daughter. She asked about the fight her mom and I had the night before. But, before I could tell her what it was about, she spilled the beans. She said her mom made her swear not to tell, but she had to. Seems that her mom and "Matt" spent about an hour in the bedroom with the door closed while the kids were watching TV. When they came out, her shirt was buttoned crooked, her hair all messed up, and his pants were half undone. I was floored. When she got home from work, I asked her about it. She started crying, but said it wasn't anything, they were just talking. His mom was ill, and she was trying to comfort him. I hammered her some more, and she swore it wasn't anything. A few months later, after several more times of her sneaking off to drink with him (even though she didn't have any money because of all the bills and bankruptcy, she still had plenty of booze at home), I finally decided to do something about it. We had a mutual friend that was about as unbiased as anyone I could find, so I told him the story. He talked to her about it, making her think it was just conversation and I had nothing to do with it. I found out through him that she was doing "favors" for her ex in return for money to buy booze! When she got home from work that night, all of her clothes were on the porch in suitcases. The kids were in Michigan for the summer with their dad, and I was kicking her arse out. I told her I had already filed for divorce and didn't want to see her again before the case came to court. Side note: I had tried several times to get counseling for her for her drinking but she always accused me of "attacking her fun" and taking away her "only reprieve from the stress" of work and the kids. I had also tried to get both of us into marriage counseling, but again she refused, saying the problems were all in my head and that it was just another ploy to get her to stop drinking. So, she left. 30 minutes later, she came back bawling and begging me for another chance, swearing on her mother's grave (she was still alive) and the Bible (she'd never read it) that she'd change, that she'd do anything to save our marriage, that she loved me with all of her heart and always would. Dumbass me took her back...on one condition: she was not to see Matt again, nor was she to drink anymore. She swore she wouldn't do either, and then made me pay for it. For instance, we had a barbeque for some friends from work, and some of them brought beer with them. One offered her a beer, and she rather loudly stated in a hateful tone that she'd "get divorced if she drank again". She did pretty well at not drinking (or at least at hiding it) for several months....until one evening in September I came home early again from work and found her packing her car with a couple of cases of beer and the kids. She told me she was taking them to a friend's house and would be back in an hour to "talk things over" with me. Well, 4 hours later, I called the cell phone and credit card companies and reported them all stolen. That was Friday night. Monday morning I called the attorney to have him go ahead and serve the divorce papers we'd written a few months earlier. Tuesday morning, I was served with divorce papers from her attorney. I checked my bank account and was missing $15,000. She took that, a telephone, the clothes on her and her kids' back, a bottle of mustard, ketchup, and a loaf of bread (as far as I could tell, that was it) and left.....to go live with Matt again. She had planned and saved and plotted and schemed for those 3 months from when I first told her I wanted a divorce and she talked me out of it until that night, then she struck with a vengeance. Of course, I had a horrible attorney (also a drunk) and I ended up losing the $15,000 plus I had to pay all of the bills that were overdue from before she left (I thought she had been paying them with the money I was depositing in her account, but instead she was using it to buy more booze and saving for her attorney fees....unless she was knobbing him to pay them, too), and she got away with pretty much everything else except the house and two cars. Some of the things she said she wanted in the divorce I had moved to my brother's house for safe keeping. I told the judge I had to sell them to pay the bills she stuck me with. When she came to get the rest of her stuff, all of it was back in the house (which really pissed her off). "I thought you said you sold that!?!?" Well, yeah, I did...but I bought it back again!
Sorry to ramble on, but someone (me) needed to hear that again. I just hope that's not what's going through her head right now.....be very, very sure before you take her back and trust her again. Once more, I do hope she's serious and your marriage continues to be happy...but just be very careful about trusting her. I'm remarried now (had my first date with Sunshine 8 hours after my divorce was final ) and I've never been happier. Life does go on, and sometimes it's even better than before!
One last note: When I got my cell phone bill after the Wicked Witch of the West left me and took the two evil Step-Demons with her, there was a note about the night I reported her phone stolen. It said that service was interrupted during a call to 316-283-xxxx as soon as the theft report was logged......Matt's phone number!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Perfect timing!!!!!!
I hope it works out for you.....I truly do. I hate to see a marriage end, so much pain and angst. I have my doubts, though. Here's why:
In 1993, I met a woman through a student of mine in an EMT class I was teaching. She was great, had two kids from a previous marriage, and truly seemed to be in need of someone to help her get back on her feet from the previous divorce. We married in December of '96. My first sign should have been in the few months prior to our marriage when I found out she had been married not once, but three times before. Her latest ex came to visit (actually, I came to visit after class one day and found that he had slept "on the couch" the night before because he was too drunk to drive). BIG SIGN!! I missed it. His visits then became regular, whether I was there or not, even to the point of taking her and the kids (from the marriage before him) out to lavish dinners and movies and skating and bowling, etc. while I was in paramedic class. She said they were still close friends, and she only divorced him because of his drinking problem. Ok....I missed that sign too. The day we got married, she looked wonderful. She also looked very nervous as she stumbled coming up the aisle. She seemed to be in a daze of happiness, her eyes were sorta glassed over and had a distant stare...until she stood next to me and I could smell the alcohol....another sign, but I caught that one. Later she told me she had to have a shot just to calm her nerves to get through the ceremony. I found an empty fifth of scotch in the kitchen trash after the ceremony. Yeah, she'd been a drinker since I met her, but only beer...a lot of beer. Shoulda seen that sign plastered all over the empty beer cartons in the trash can, right? After the wedding, I found out how much she really drank: up to a case and a half of beer a night, sometimes all the way up to 4 or 5am when she had to be at work at 8am. Of course, when I'd mention it, it always turned into a huge brawl. I drank, too....a couple of beers a night. No, I'm not against drinking...only against drinking to excess...constantly. Back to the ex....he still came over, even after we were married, and would blatantly flirt with her right in front of me, telling her she needed to come back to him. After I kicked him out on his arse one night and told her I didn't want him back over, she said he was just playing around, teasing me. Bullsquat. So, when I'd go to work (I worked nights in the ER), she'd go see him at his place and drink the night away. Then she'd drive 45 miles home drunk. One night, I came home early because I'd been beaten pretty badly by a drunk in the ER. She showed up around 2:30am with the kids, drunk and stumbling (yeah, it was also a school night for the kids, ages 10 and 12). So, of course we had another huge fight where she swore she only needed some company while I was at work and didn't have any feelings for him anymore, he was just a friend, and loved me and only me. I fell for it....until the next day when I started talking to her daughter. She asked about the fight her mom and I had the night before. But, before I could tell her what it was about, she spilled the beans. She said her mom made her swear not to tell, but she had to. Seems that her mom and "Matt" spent about an hour in the bedroom with the door closed while the kids were watching TV. When they came out, her shirt was buttoned crooked, her hair all messed up, and his pants were half undone. I was floored. When she got home from work, I asked her about it. She started crying, but said it wasn't anything, they were just talking. His mom was ill, and she was trying to comfort him. I hammered her some more, and she swore it wasn't anything. A few months later, after several more times of her sneaking off to drink with him (even though she didn't have any money because of all the bills and bankruptcy, she still had plenty of booze at home), I finally decided to do something about it. We had a mutual friend that was about as unbiased as anyone I could find, so I told him the story. He talked to her about it, making her think it was just conversation and I had nothing to do with it. I found out through him that she was doing "favors" for her ex in return for money to buy booze! When she got home from work that night, all of her clothes were on the porch in suitcases. The kids were in Michigan for the summer with their dad, and I was kicking her arse out. I told her I had already filed for divorce and didn't want to see her again before the case came to court. Side note: I had tried several times to get counseling for her for her drinking but she always accused me of "attacking her fun" and taking away her "only reprieve from the stress" of work and the kids. I had also tried to get both of us into marriage counseling, but again she refused, saying the problems were all in my head and that it was just another ploy to get her to stop drinking. So, she left. 30 minutes later, she came back bawling and begging me for another chance, swearing on her mother's grave (she was still alive) and the Bible (she'd never read it) that she'd change, that she'd do anything to save our marriage, that she loved me with all of her heart and always would. Dumbass me took her back...on one condition: she was not to see Matt again, nor was she to drink anymore. She swore she wouldn't do either, and then made me pay for it. For instance, we had a barbeque for some friends from work, and some of them brought beer with them. One offered her a beer, and she rather loudly stated in a hateful tone that she'd "get divorced if she drank again". She did pretty well at not drinking (or at least at hiding it) for several months....until one evening in September I came home early again from work and found her packing her car with a couple of cases of beer and the kids. She told me she was taking them to a friend's house and would be back in an hour to "talk things over" with me. Well, 4 hours later, I called the cell phone and credit card companies and reported them all stolen. That was Friday night. Monday morning I called the attorney to have him go ahead and serve the divorce papers we'd written a few months earlier. Tuesday morning, I was served with divorce papers from her attorney. I checked my bank account and was missing $15,000. She took that, a telephone, the clothes on her and her kids' back, a bottle of mustard, ketchup, and a loaf of bread (as far as I could tell, that was it) and left.....to go live with Matt again. She had planned and saved and plotted and schemed for those 3 months from when I first told her I wanted a divorce and she talked me out of it until that night, then she struck with a vengeance. Of course, I had a horrible attorney (also a drunk) and I ended up losing the $15,000 plus I had to pay all of the bills that were overdue from before she left (I thought she had been paying them with the money I was depositing in her account, but instead she was using it to buy more booze and saving for her attorney fees....unless she was knobbing him to pay them, too), and she got away with pretty much everything else except the house and two cars. Some of the things she said she wanted in the divorce I had moved to my brother's house for safe keeping. I told the judge I had to sell them to pay the bills she stuck me with. When she came to get the rest of her stuff, all of it was back in the house (which really pissed her off). "I thought you said you sold that!?!?" Well, yeah, I did...but I bought it back again!
Sorry to ramble on, but someone (me) needed to hear that again. I just hope that's not what's going through her head right now.....be very, very sure before you take her back and trust her again. Once more, I do hope she's serious and your marriage continues to be happy...but just be very careful about trusting her. I'm remarried now (had my first date with Sunshine 8 hours after my divorce was final ) and I've never been happier. Life does go on, and sometimes it's even better than before!
One last note: When I got my cell phone bill after the Wicked Witch of the West left me and took the two evil Step-Demons with her, there was a note about the night I reported her phone stolen. It said that service was interrupted during a call to 316-283-xxxx as soon as the theft report was logged......Matt's phone number!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Perfect timing!!!!!!
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