chuck norris facts

[luis]

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

 

[superj]

• Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
• Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
  • Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
    
    Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
  Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
  
  
  • Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

 

[eric m]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

[klkb]

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris doesn't read. He stares down a book until he gets the information he wants.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris wrote "violence" for every answer. He got an A+ because Chuck Norris solves all of his problems with violence.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. Not because he is afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago. The Grim Reaper can't work up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. It's now known as the Islands.

I could go on for hours...

 

[superj]

i know, chuck norris facts are so dang funny

keep on going

 

[klkb]

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. Hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup. It's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death - he wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's just letting you know how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Ghosts are actually caused because Chuck Norris kills people faster than the Death can process them.

Chuck Norris never retreats. He just attacks in the opposite direction.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

When God said "Let there be light" Chuck Norris said "say please."

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even farther.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle to part the ocean. Chuck Norris simply walks and water gets the f*** out of the way.

 

[klkb]

CHUCK NORRIS IS 1/8th CHEROKEE. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANCESTRY... HE ATE A JEEP!!!!!

 

[luis]

Only Chuck Norris knows the true end of the movie Inception

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

Chuck Norris doesn't send facebook friend request, he send friend demands.

Chuck Norris once asked a man to turn down his music, he refused, that man's baby was born deaf.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris in. His reasoning? It was more humane

 

[ralavoie_417]

chuck norris is 1/8th cherokee. It has nothing to do with ancestry... He ate a jeep!!!!!

lol!

 

[Shephard10]

Chuck Norris is never late. If he's cutting it close, time better slow the f*** down!

 

[Shephard10]

Btw, I actually have deleted my recycle bin before. It took hours of searching and indians to get it back...

 

[klkb]

Btw, I actually have deleted my recycle bin before. It took hours of searching and indians to get it back...

Chuck Norris's Recycle Bin hid itself to avoid being executed.

 

[klkb]

The last digit of Pi is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

 

[superj]

chuck norris doesn't flush his toilet, he scares the crap out of it


i deleted my recycle bin also. i never found it

 

[Shephard10]

Chuck Norris is the stuff men are made of.

If you open a 50gal drum of whoopass, chuck Norris will pop out.

 

[dustin g]

Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

When Chuck Norris daughter lost her virginity he found it AND PUT IT BACK!

 

[superj]

Chuck Norris puts his pants on both legs at once.

Behind chuck's beard is another fist

 

[extra-medium]

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. Hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup. It's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death - he wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's just letting you know how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Ghosts are actually caused because Chuck Norris kills people faster than the Death can process them.

Chuck Norris never retreats. He just attacks in the opposite direction.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

When God said "Let there be light" Chuck Norris said "say please."

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even farther.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle to part the ocean. Chuck Norris simply walks and water gets the f*** out of the way.

These are pretty good. Some of them I haven't even heard before.

Sent from my Exhibit using Jeepz

 

[dustin g]

Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman by pointing at her and saying Boo-Yah!

There are no animals on the endangered species list. Only animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

 

[dustin g]

Chuck Norris built with his own two hands the house he was born in.

Why did you get me started on this? I have been chuck Norris joke free for almost a year. Ah laughter with overtones of the wife saying how retarded I am for laughing at this.