No hostility. Just tired of all the whimpering about the weather on the sport shows and the fools who dont now how to pull over and read a map or ask for directions. Damn tourist. Maybe they will enjoy the freezing cold in Detroit next year better than the 60's we hosted for them this year.
Just in case some of you come back I have added some need to know info.
This pretty much says it all -
1. You must learn to say the city name correctly. It is usually
referred to as "Jax".
2. You must be a Jaguars fan. It is a requirement for citizenship.
Also, you are either a Gator or a Nole. You have no choice. If you abstain,
you will be assigned a team. There are no other schools. It's better to learn
that sooner than later.
3. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. No one pays
attention to them here. Merging, yielding, and right-of-way are completely
foreign terms. No turn signals in cars, either .
4. To find anything in Jax it is required that you know where
Regency Square is. It is the Alpha and the Omega: the beginning and the end.
5. Directions to anywhere may, and usually do, make a reference to
"the old Pic and Save".
6. The morning rush hour is from 6am to 10am. The evening rush hour
is from 3pm to 7pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.
8. East Rd. meets West Rd. on Beach Blvd, but they both run North
and South.
9. Normandy Boulevard, State Road 228, Cecil Field Road, Maxville
Road, and Post Street are all the same road.
10. On the southeast side of town, Hartley Road, Shad Road, and Hood
Road are all the same road. Hartley Road is the western part of the road,
and Shad Road is the eastern part of the road. Now don't be confused about this
Hood Road. This is theWest-East part that is in between Hartley and Shad, not
the North-South part that starts out as Old Kings Road South, changes into
Hood Road South, and ends at Losco Road. Got it?
11. Construction is a permanent fixture in Jax. The barrels are
moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit
more exciting.
12. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks,
dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats,pieces of other cars,
a single shoe, opossums, truck tires, raccoons,squirrels, rabbits, crows or
vultures feeding on any of these items. Oh, and those pesky ladders that
seem to find themselves laying on our bridges.
13. The minimum acceptable speed on J Turner Butler Blvd is 75
mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Jacksonville's
version of NASCAR.
14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone, you
are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
16. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for
city driving.
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. There are really only two seasons here: Summer and January.
19. There is actually a Westside high school that has a confederate
battle flag as its school flag, an image of a slave plantation owner as
its mascot, and Dixie as its school song. Just accept it. Please don't make a
fuss about it, for your own safety.
20. Ponte Vedra is to Middleburg as oceanfront is to doublewide.
21. If you choose to live in Orange Park, or, God forbid, Middleburg,
plan to leave for work at 4am and return home around 11pm. Otherwise you may
get caught in what can only be described as "the world's longest
left-turn lane".
22. Don't get here late and expect something to eat. After 9pm,
your choices are Famous Amos, Village Inn, Krystals and Waffle House.
23. You can buy a million-dollar condo downtown on the river, but you
have to drive 10 miles for a loaf of bread, and never after dark.
24. The Landing is an interesting place. Every time you visit, there
will be a whole new set of restaurants, fewer stores, and less parking.
Hooters, however, is a permanent fixture.
25. All city council decisions must be signed off on by First
Baptist Church.
26. You can't drink alcohol and see topless girls at the same time.
But, if you agree to drink Diet Coke, you can see them fully nude.
27. North Phillips highway. Don't go there. Ever. Unless,of course,
you are looking for motels that charge by the hour.
28. Learn all of the lyrics to every Lynyrd Skynyrd song. Trust me on
this one.
