i've ruined my character

[Snitty]

What a way to start a New Year (Pictures)

i'll have to say.. it takes quite a bit for me to go public with my problems.. i'm always the one dispensing the encouraging words...

Trust is a very important thing to me.. and i regretably did something to lose just that from someone very dear to me... and to whom i am/was very dear as well... i was stricken with an opportunity to get into some personal information of this person.. and that evil thing we call curiosity influenced me to think about getting into it... well, i wasn't quite being the man Snitty really is, and I grabbed it... and my conscience soon told me that that was not what I should be doing... then I quickly backed away from it, knowing that it wasn't for me, and that i didn't want part of it anymore... well... in that process, i guess i left some traces of doing so... and i didn't do a good job of reversing my deed...

the worst part of it... two days ago, when i had a chance to confess when it was brought up, i didn't quite do so as i should, avoiding a full forthcoming. i guess i was hoping to let the whole thing die away because i didn't go through with the curious act. then yesterday, it came up again, and i did fess up. unfortunately too late though, just as evidence was coming forth. and at that moment, i felt that i had let go of my entire life.

this person is the world to me. this is a person who felt that they could trust nobody, and i was finally earning their trust. without this person's trust, i feel i have no character whatsoever. every grain of anything that i have earned, is lost. and it doesn't seem that i will ever be given another chance to redeem myself because of it. i took pride in accomplishing that trust. that curiosity started to get to me, and i backed out of that BECAUSE of that exact reason, whether or not it was to be found out, i did not want to go behind that person's back for ANYTHING. there would have been NO payoff to do so, and i came to my senses and got out of that boat. i thought i felt terrible then... pshh... i had no idea what terrible was... i now truly know the feeling of regret.

I have lived my life trying to be the best man i could be. and at one point, i forget who that man is, and start to do something stupid... i soon thought "i can't do this, i DONT do this"... i thought i would get out of it before i did any damage to that person, myself, or what was between us. but it appears that the damage was already done. that person's trust is equally important to me as my own life is. i can't live as ME if i can't have trust, its too precious.

A person who could trust nobody, who has been scarred with broken trust their whole life, finally started to feel security in me... and i ruined it... it only takes that one time... i can only pray that i can have a chance to have a thread to hold on to in order to pull that back to me... i can't live with myself having this going on... i have no idea what to do

please, everyone here... take it from me... do not make this sort of mistake... if someone trusts you, NEVER EVER do ANYTHING to betray that. and if someone doesn't trust you.. do everything in your power to try to gain that... and never lose it... the value of your life on earth is very related to your character.... don't ruin it

sorry to ramble.. i'm very hurt by what happened... and i can't live with myself because of it... i'm not even being me

 

[Tug-n-pull]

RE: What a way to start a New Year (Pictures)

Snitty Friend Snitty! You grief on this hurts all the way into Tennessee! I wish there was something I could d say to make you feel better. What ever transpired must have been a great temptation and we all fall into the trap from time to time. To look upon what is taboo and to leanr what is best left unknown. It is human nature to go there. If this was a bit on knowledge left in plain view you are on partialy to blame. if the person you are speaking of only needs one moment of humananity to blow off a friendship then that person was not worth the effort to start with. Friends forgive! I pray for you to find peace in this matter! tug

 

[Snitty]

i am forgiven... but it is said i will never be trusted again

 

[randomjeeper]

RE: i

snitty,
hang in there. you can admit your mistakes, so that's a first step. everyone has moments of weakness, it's part of being human. would explaining what you told us to that person help?
from your post, i don't think you'll make that mistake again. so that's another step.
hopefully if you are still talking to this person it can all be worked out, sometimes it takes a mistake to really make two people realize how close they are and let the friendship progress ( the "if we can be honest and make it through this, then we can make it through anything" .. a pretty decent definition of friendship). healing may just take some time.
i hope everything does work out to be okay. good luck.

 

[Snitty]

pass, side door wanted -XJ

i've talked to this person quite a bit... they've been through it before with every other person in their life.. and i'm just saying "all the same thing's everyone else says"... i've told the person everything i mentioned above, and much much more. honestly, its all i can do... i can talk to that person, and sleep... i can't find anything in myself to do anything else

 

[LadyJeepFreak]

Concrete clean up time... need help!

Snitty, I am sorry to see you going through this as well. You seem like a decent guy and a friendly jeeper. Emotional pains are the worst kind sometimes. Keep the faith and keep trying with all your heart and maybe the best thing will happen after all.

Lady

 

[mingez]

RE: Concrete clean up time... need help!

Snitty,

I can offer no advice or solution. Only my suppport if you ever need it, as a friend in which to speak with.

I too went through the same type of temptation, with a friend VERY dear to me. The difference is.. you were able to hold back. The betrayal was SO hurtful to me, that I came clean...and it hurt our friendship at first. Trust was very tough to gain back, but now I know our friendship is stronger for it.

I was younger and stupid(er) and that one mistake was catastrophic. But trust CAN be re-EARNED!! Take heart in that.

Good luck to you and the relationship in question.

 

[firemanharry]

The fact that you couldn't go through with the act speaks very highly for your character. Forgiveness is the first step down the path of recovery. Don't dwell on restoring trust.......just let your relationship grow and it should return in time. If any of you ever need an ear (or a shoulder) just drop a PM - Dave

 

[Junkpile]

Not to be humorous or anything, but....I've ruined my character a couple of times, it happens. You'll get over it and so will they.....if not, to heck with them. People make mistakes.

 

[TwistedCU]

Snitty from what I've read, your character has survived your mistake. Mistakes happen as we are all human. What you do after them is what truly defines you, and from what I see you are on the right track. Hang in there man, this too shall pass.

 

[Snitty]

You'll get over it and so will they.....if not, to heck with them. People make mistakes.

well.. not quite... if i never get this person's trust back... then i'll never feel me again.. and i could NEVER say "to heck" with this person... one hard thing about building the trust i had with them... is that everyone in their life has just left.. something i promised never to do.. and now, to that person, my promises don't seem as strong as they really are. this is something, that in order to make it through, i have to repair 200%

 

[TwistedCU]

RE: Catch you all later on down he trail!

in order to make it through, i have to repair 200%

Then do just that.

 

[southtj]

RE: Quick question about TJ Tire size vs. Gear Ratio.

in order to make it through, i have to repair 200%

Then do just that.

Agreed, If you love this person (and it sounds as though you do) it will be worth the extra effort. Good luck man. All your friends here are wishing you the best.

 

[Junkpile]

Snitty, I understand what you are saying, but you've got to look at this from both sides. Sure....YOU screwed up, and YOU need to make things right. With that effort put forth on your part, it is then their responsibility to forgive you. Forgiveness is something that should easy be given if you are as sorry as you say you are and you take the appropriate steps to fix things. Other than that there isn't much you can do but say "to heck with them". You love them enough to seek forgiveness. After that it's in their hands to decide whether they love you enough to give it or not. This isn't the last time you are going to screw up...believe me...if you can't expect understanding from someone who you care about so much, then what can you expect from a life with that person. To say "to heck with them" isn't to write THEM off. It's to make you feel better about them writing YOU off.

 

[Saurian]

Wow... Umm... yeah. Don't know what to say really, hang in there, man... My suggestion would be to do everything in your power to make things right, but always remember that there is only so much in your power that you can do...

 

[Snitty]

in order to make it through, i have to repair 200%

Then do just that.

i intend on that if i am given the appropriate opportunity..

this is my best friend.. i saved them from a point in life when they thought nobody was trustable. and i earned that... that was a pride trophy in my life... and to have it gone... no.. i don't accept not having what i earned

 

[jps4jeep]

WOW.... I guess I really missed that, I can speculate and guess, but still I can only offer some simple words of advice.


Good luck Snitty, With out struggle there is no progress, life is a lesson learned through time, not in one instance!

 

[mud4feet]

Snitty, take it from an old fart who's been through a whole lot, both screwing over others through stupid, spur of the moment mistakes, and also being screwed over by many others. The trust you build in a 20 year marriage should be a pretty sacred thing, right? Well, sometimes that all goes out the window, too. All you can do is do the best that you can do, and if that other person does not see that, and cherish that, no matter what shite this life has thrown at them, well...then that's their loss. They're looking for something that does not exist. Just like you, they must just do the best they can - there are no absolutes, no perfections. Gathering from how much this bothers you, I wouldn't worry about my character if I were you.....still just need a little sandin' and grindin' (don't we all), but basically a strong, well formed piece of sheet metal (pardon my analogy). Things can always be worse..........don't think they're too sweet in Malaysia right now. Time is the great healer.....you learn......they learn. Trust is really letting go of the self, so if this person feels they still can't trust even you.....then perhaps it is time for them to look into the mirror. And old friend of mine told me long ago, when I was struggling with some self-centered woe, "Don't sweat the little shite..........and it's ALL little shite!". Got me through and I've learned it to be somewhat true. Holding to my humorous side, I heard it another way later (after my epiphany).....kinda liked this better..."Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff". Anyway, hopefully you get my point. It ain't all you - takes two to tango. It sounds to me like you're a "good somebody" (as they say here in the mountains) and perhaps your friend needs to realize that and perhaps do a little self-examination. May you find peace, friend!

my two bits,

mud

 

[Snitty]

RE: Test your subconscience!

thanks for the words... i appreciate the time all of you are putting into it...

i'm doin what i can to work on it... of course, time has been short so far... i refuse to put any of this on that person though... its the person i am, its an obligation i took on long ago... i have made assurances time and time over that i'd never cause an upset... i caught myself in doing just that, and stopped, yet... the fact that i didn't stop myself before i even started to act... that is upsetting to me... regardless of who else it hurts... and the fact that it DID hurt someone else, the fact that i was capable of hurting someone else... that hurts me quite a bit... there's a lot to it.. i have a complicated conscience, that doesn't make it easy for me

again.. thanks for all of your time

 

[mud4feet]

Snitty, 'bout all I can tell ya' is there's no such thing as "never" and there's no such thing as "always". You just do the best ya can, learn from your mistakes.......you're better now than you were then, right? You carry on and learn and hope that those around you are wise enough to carry on and learn, too. I'm feelin' your pain, if that's any help. Life is a struggle, that's why it's so great. If it was easy, anybody could do it. Peace to you, brother!

mud